An analogy

Here’s a classic rock climbing story: two people, a man and a woman, start learning to climb at the same time.  At first neither of them is very good, but the man is better than the woman.  He climbs faster, he climbs farther, he scales faces she can’t. 

Over time, they both get better.  But the woman gets more better than the man.  (That’s right, I said more better.)  Six months or a year later, the situation is reversed: she’s climbing faces he can’t.

What happened?  The man has bigger muscles than the woman.  So he learned that he could just heave himself up with mountain with his strength.  And since he’s climbing with someone who’s not as good as him, there is no need to develop skills.  

The woman, on the other hand, is constantly trying to keep up with her partner.  So in order to climb the same routes as him, she has to develop actual rock climbing skills.  She gets good at the little tricks: spotting that fingerhold two feet over her head, transferring 

And he’s the better climber at first.  The woman, in order to complete the same climbs as her partner, has to develop actual rock climbing skills.  She learns to transfer on a tiny toehold, she develops the eyes to spot that fingerhold two feet above her head, transferring on a tiny toehold.  

As they both climb, they both get stronger.  But the woman’s strength is built on skills, whereas the man never had to learn any skills.  So she eventually gets better than him. 

I think the same analogy could apply to quieting infants.  Fathers, lacking the sedating power of breast milk, have to develop their own set of soothing skills.  they watch baby closer, learn his habits better, and experiment more with various soothing techniques.   At first it appears that Mom is better at calming baby, but over time it becomes clear that Dad is the one who can really get the job done.

Of course, this is what you might call an aspirational analogy.  I’m hoping it will happen, although right now I’m definitely still in the “learning the skills” phase of the analogy.  Time will tell whether this translates into an ability to sooth Elliot.