The Birth Part II

The three of them arrived at Roosevelt Hospital at 6:10am.  The front doors of the hospital opened at 6am (otherwise they would have had to enter through the emergency room).  They walked in the front entrance and took the elevator to the 12th floor.  They had to fill out insurance forms before anyone would initiate medical care.  The secretary handed a clipboard to Hannah, and she filled it out in the middle of a contraction, which Cameron found incredibly moving. 


The L&D nurse insisted that Hannah come into the triage room alone, without her partner or her doula. Megan explained that this was to allow the nurse to ask Hannah questions about domestic violence that she might not answer truthfully in the presence of the hypothetical abuser (i.e. Cameron). Only one person would be allowed to accompany Hannah in the triage room.  As Megan and Cameron sat in the waiting area talking pleasantly, Cameron wondered who would be called in.  When Hannah was asked who she wanted to join her in the triage room, would she choose her partner or some woman she'd just met?  Cameron wondered how he would feel if the nurse came through the door and said that Megan had been chosen to join his wife in labor.  He wondered how hurt he would feel to be excluded from even this small portion of his first child's birth.  He briefly considered whether he was being selfish by spending so much mental energy on this petty matter, but quickly returned to worrying about who Hannah would ask for.  

Here's the thing: This was a time of stress, a time of great importance.  Choices made in these moments said huge things about people's true feelings.  We say things like "I love you" and "you're the most important person in my life," but words spoken over a dinner plate after a glass of wine are just that, words.  The way you know how someone really feels is to see how they behave in a moment of crisis, a moment of stress, a moment when the heart tugs for what it needs without politeness or inhibition.  

Cameron knew that these were terrible thoughts to be having at this moment, that he should really be focused on his partner, on what was best for her, and that if her doula would be most useful, then her doula should go into in the room.  He knew that devoting even this much mental energy to such petty selfish concerns amounted to a sort of betrayal of his partner and of his professed commitment to her best interests, but still he continued to ruminate.  What would it feel like when the nurse walked through that door and broke his heart?  Would he be able to put happy face on it?  Of course he would.  He would sit quietly in the waiting room, polite and meek, and wonder what the two women were saying and doing together.  

The nurse came through the door and said "She wants to see you."