The Crying Game

Elliot slept through the night last night.  Which was a joy.  He's had kind of a wet cough for the past few weeks, and it has been keeping him up.

And when he stays up, we stay up.  So it's been great to have him sleeping a little better.

One weird effect of Elliot waking up frequently at night is paranoia.  It's a kind of post-traumatic stress disorder, actually.  Once you've been woken by a baby's cries a few times, you go into a kind of fugue state.

It's not just that I'm always worried he's going to start crying.

I actually hear him cry.

I'll be half-asleep, head stuffed under pillow, and I'll swear that I hear him.  I can actually hear it in my ears.  The exact pitch and timbre.  The way it rises and peaks and falls, everything.

I whip the pillow off my head.  Silence.  It's 3:30am.  My heart is full of adrenaline.  Elliot is not crying. Everyone is asleep.  Except me.

But now, heart pounding, I'm going to be awake for the next hour at least....